Monthly Archives: April 2016

Trainwreck

My life was there. One huge train wreck. I sat in my chair every night, the tv on, a glass of rum or wine in my hand, and I numbed my pain. I forgot my sorrows and I drowned my dreams away. I attempted to find love by way of men I met online, or elsewhere. I lowered my standards and I lowered myself to the pits.

One day I thought about how one simple little switch can change the entire course of the train. One flick of a switch can lead it down an entirely different path. God hit that switch. He dug me out of the pit, as He has done with many others. God found Gideon in a hole. He found Joseph in a prison. He found Daniel in a lion’s den. He has a curious habit of showing up in the midst of trouble, not the absence. Where the world sees failure, God sees future. Next time you feel unqualified to be used by God, remember this: He tends to recruit from the pit – not the pedestal.

The most important lesson I learned while sitting at the bottom of the pit of depression is to never give up hope. I made it out of the pit … and so can you!

The path may seem endless and even cruel at times, but you must be patient. You did not slip into that pit overnight, and you will not climb out of that pit overnight. The journey out of the pit begins and ends with one small step of faith. Walk straight ahead through your fear. And with each step, moment-by-moment, the darkness will slowly fade and the heaviness will lift.

Psalm 40:1-3 (NIV) “I waited patiently for the LORD; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.”

Reflection

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I don’t know you. You are not the same person I used to admire for hours on end. I no longer know what to say to you. The more I see of you, the longer I look at you here, the less I like you. Where is the person who used to be here? Why have you run them off? Those eyes, so familiar…I can see you hiding in there. Come out and play with me! Wait, what? You want to, but you are too old? I know, those lines and furrows, that second chin…where did they come from? When did you become old? That sweet, gentle, yet playful spirit is still there in your eyes. I can see the flirty, sarcastic, and witty thoughts rolling around in your head. Your mind is sharp, that hasn’t changed one bit. I’ve been too judgmental haven’t I? Don’t be so hard on…

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Reflection

I don’t know you. You are not the same person I used to admire for hours on end. I no longer know what to say to you. The more I see of you, the longer I look at you here, the less I like you. Where is the person who used to be here? Why have you run them off? Those eyes, so familiar…I can see you hiding in there. Come out and play with me! Wait, what? You want to, but you are too old? I know, those lines and furrows, that second chin…where did they come from? When did you become old? That sweet, gentle, yet playful spirit is still there in your eyes. I can see the flirty, sarcastic, and witty thoughts rolling around in your head. Your mind is sharp, that hasn’t changed one bit. I’ve been too judgmental haven’t I? Don’t be so hard on yourself, your face may be getting older, but your soul is still young. Your shell may change, but your wonderful inner self doesn’t need to. Allow the world around you to change, as it does every moment, you cannot control that. But don’t give up on yourself, your dreams, your desires. Allow yourself to have them, allow your dreams to flourish. No one has conquered or overcome without first dreaming about it.